blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

(Source: elderstunningham, via cumfort)

ofwnchesters:

no but guys

someone told our professor that i had a fantastic pick up line and they made me tell her

DO YOU KNOW
HOW AWKWARD IT IS
TO LOOK YOUR PROFESSOR IN THE EYE AND SAY
“I MAY NOT GO DOWN IN HISTORY BUT I’LL GO DOWN ON YOU”

AND THEN

SHE RESPONDS

“I’M GOING TO TRY THAT ON MY HUSBAND”

dONE

(Source: hoardedtoiletpaper, via amandabyneofficial)

ultrafacts:

chanelbxxch:

ultrafacts:

Want More facts? Follow the Ultrafacts Blog

I do this all the time; does it mean im a polar bear?x

This is me

Timestamp: 1403403343

traynors:

you dont just play the sims. you go on a sims binge for three days straight then put the game down for 5 months

(via sassyavengers)